When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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