sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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