I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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