This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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