somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
