you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
