Whod you bang
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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