You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize