Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
