i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I could fuck to npr.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize