i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
