just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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