I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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