Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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