If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
