Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
