I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
