I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
