I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
