Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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