Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
