Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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