I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
