Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
