You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
