I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
