she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
