I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
