so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize