Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
