I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
