just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
