I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
