the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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