It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
