READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
