have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
