Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
