READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
