dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
