when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
