I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That accounts for only three of the penises
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
