Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
