Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
