So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
