my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
