One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
