I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
