What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
