addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
