i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
