I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I could make wine with my vomit
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
