why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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