The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
