I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
