I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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