Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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