I'm jealous of your bromance
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
