And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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