Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
