I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
