i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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