i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
