dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
