you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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