Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
