Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
