If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
