I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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