I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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