lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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