it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
MIDGETS
????
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
