Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
