Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
