This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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