dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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