What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
