Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
