Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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