You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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