Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We had to coat check the pizza.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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