Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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