I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
