you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
