I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
