I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
