Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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