i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
